Restoring Hope

I just spent the last five days in San Diego with my best friend growing up. She moved away from Denver 7 years ago, and to be honest, we barely kept in touch. It just happened that we struck up a conversation a few months ago and I decided that it would be best for me to get away for a few days during break. Not that I don’t love going home and wouldn’t love seeing my family and friends, but I needed to go somewhere, anywhere, that wouldn’t remind me of what I’ve been trying so desperately to forget.

Anyways, I got off the plane and met up with her. We gave each other kind of an awkward hug, asked the basic questions “How’ve you been? What are you up to?” Conversation flowed naturally, when we hit all the “big” topics. We really got to talking and come to find out, we’ve been facing all the same struggles for the past few years now. She had almost the same thing happen with her ex-boyfriend, she’s struggled with drinking/partying, and all sorts of other things that I struggle with too. Even though we hadn’t really seen each or really gotten a chance to talk in almost 7 years, it was like we hadn’t missed a day. She was the same best friend from seven years ago that she is today. Crazy, right?

I’m not a big believer in destiny or fate or any of that nonsense, but I find it so amazing that God put her back into my life right here, right now. Right when I needed someone who didn’t know all the details of my past, and who wouldn’t judge me, or try to put some kind of personal input in, I got her. We only talked about our ex boyfriends for about 5 minutes, but she told that I shouldn’t worry about it, because it’s just a waste of time. The way she said it, and the way she believed in it, was really compelling. She told me that even though we had been together for all of about 24 hours when we had this conversation, that she knows I’m a strong, successful, beautiful person and I’ll find that beauty again in something else. It’s gonna be hard, but she said that I’m showing more strength than I think that I am. I don’t know, it was just really…encouraging.

I got to wake up every day for the last 5 days and stand on the beach and drink my chai tea latte. Every day. She made some comment about how people don’t really come to the beach as much when they live here because it’s always there, and people, including herself, have taken that for granted.

I know it’s going to be tough to go back to school today, knowing all that waits for me there, all the memories and pain, but for some reason, it doesn’t seem as daunting. I feel like I’m really successful there. I don’t  want to take my college  years for granted. It’s the “best years of my life”, right? Who wants to spend that upset and depressed and toiling over some stupid boy who made a few bad decisions. He’s going to have to live with those, not me. I got out of that for a reason. Now, I see more brightness in the sun. I see more hope in the future. Yeah sure, what has happened to me sucks. I lost a lot of the good qualities I once had and a lot of the bubbly personality I used to carry. But, time passes and people change. And although things are different now, I’m not blaming anyone for wasting my time except for me. The rest of my college career is going to be awesome, because I just decided it is.


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