Did you ever see that movie “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past?” Not really sure why I’m bringing it up now other than I think it’s a funny movie. I think basic synopsis is this guy that is a serial dater and he goes back through the more prominent women in his life that he has dated. Eventually he finds out that the girl of his dreams has been waiting for him all his life and he just never noticed her in that light.. or something to that effect. Eh, I don’t know but part of me wishes I had some sappy movie-like love story. But, at the same time, I hate love stories. When I see happy couples holding hands walking down the mall at school, I just want to vomit. Maybe I’m just bitter? Haha, sounds like me.
Anywho, this whole “moving on” thing was a lot easier over the summer. By that I mean that I didn’t see him anywhere, he wasn’t in my newsfeed on facebook (because he was blocked), and I never felt the urge to talk to him. BUT now facebook is doing this fun new thing where it posts “This Day in 2010” and “This Day in 2009” that are basically just old statuses that serve as just great reminders of your past experiences. So every few days a “This Day in 2010” status will pop that says something to the effect of “I’m the happiest girl in the world” or “…has a hot date with (insert ex-boyfriend’s name here)”. They pop up without me asking for them, and even though I’m not friends with him on fb anymore, they don’t get blocked out off my page.
Also, it’s come to a point where I see him almost every day and her every few days. I guess I had this image in my head that if I got myself to a good point of “moving on” that it would just so happen that he wouldn’t be there. It’s just a lot harder than I thought it was going to be and I really wish that I didn’t have to see them, or if in some way that I could get them leave Creighton or something… haha. Wishful thinking I reckon.
He’s just everywhere. And the hard part about it all is that we started dating pretty much right when we got to college and there are SO many reminders of him all over campus. I walk past where we had our first kiss almost every day. Sometimes I sit in the spot where we used go in the middle of the night to talk for hours. The campus is small and there are memories everywhere. Sometimes, I wish I would have transferred somewhere else. But, I love all of my friends here, I love my job, I love my life. I just don’t love him. And I don’t love having him in my life anymore. I want him out of my head. I want out. I just wish I wouldn’t have let it get to this point. I wish I didn’t regret it, but I do. It seems like it’s all I do.
Why is it so hard to just entirely let go?