Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. This one’s gonna be short, too. I’ve been home for a few days now, and I feel like a lot of my anxiety is fading. I know that it’s nearly inevitable that I’m going to have to see my ex again and there’s not avoiding that at this point. So, it’s time to come to terms with that. If I do see him, I’ll act non-chalant, as if I recognize that there’s a past we had together, which was mostly pleasant, but that I’ve moved on to something better. If anything, I’ll say hi and smile. No conversation. Not letting him in. None of that.
Also, I was really really good friends with one of his fraternity brothers post-break up. He kept me up-to-date on all the latest antics of my ex and his new girl, all of which I asked for relentlessly because I wanted to somehow maintain some hold in his life. This summer I let that friendship fade away. I’m trying to make it so that I don’t have any connections to his life any more than he has connections to mine. I’m just going to live my own life, happily, without anything holding me back.
I had an urge today to check his facebook, and against the temptation, I didn’t do it. I held strong and can honestly say I’m proud of myself today. I got through today. And tomorrow, I’ll focus on tomorrow. And when the time comes that I do have to see him, I’ll take that moment by moment, asking God for strength, courage, and guidance. For now, that’s all I can do.
Finally, I wanted to share a little update on the “partying” front, since that’s really what this blog is all about. I talked to my roommate today and asked her about her weekend. She proceeded to tell me that she was drunk nearly the entire time, that she went home with some new guy that treated her like dirt and was a complete jerk to her, and all her friends got sick and threw up from drinking too much. Stories like these make me SO happy about the decisions I’m making. As soon as I get my life in order and start making better decisions for myself, I want to be able to help her out too. And maybe some of my other friends as well. I have a fear of rejection and being outcasted, but I know that I’m so much closer to fulfillment and even today, right now, I’m happier than they are. And this is a real happiness, not a temporary one.
Today was a good day. And tomorrow will be too, because God has gotten already taken care of.