The last few weeks have been a whirl wind for me. A few weeks ago, I was a heavy drinking, socially accepted party girl. You could find me out at parties on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and occasionally Mondays, and even a few Thursdays. I put my friends happiness before my own. I would get drunk and say stupid things, offend people, tell friend’s personal secrets to nobodies, hurt others, and hurt myself. I’ll be the first to say, I wasn’t a good person. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even want to be friends with me. The people I hung out with drank almost every night. Some of them smoke weed regularly (don’t worry, I’ve never gone down that path). And although I love my friends, they were changing me into someone who I knew that I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy anymore.
I usually would be up so late on Saturdays that I would wake up Sunday morning with a hangover and no desire to go to church. So, for several months I just neglected going to church. I neglected God, neglected my faith. I could go out and party and have fun, then know that when I would wake up Sunday that God had to forgive me. That’s the faith I had. I had faith in God that I would even get to wake up on Sunday morning. Talk about taking God for granted. Well, there’s a bunch of reasons that I started spiraling down this path. I’m sure I’ll get to those at some point. Until a few days ago, those reasons defined me. Now only one thing defines me: I’ve been saved by the grace of God.
It’s funny when you think about that concept: “For I have been saved through grace through faith, not by works so no man may boast.” What is grace anyways? I once learned it as an acronym: God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. We don’t deserve God’s love, it’s a gift from Him. You can’t work your way to God’s salvation. He did it purely as a gift. Wow. God loves me unconditionally even though He really shouldn’t. Of all the things I’ve done, all the things I’ve said, He still loves me. That’s difficult for me to wrap my head around.
So here I am, starting over. I’m ready to dive full force into the arms of God. I want to reach for something more. I know that I’ll have to make some difficult decisions, maybe lose a few friends, and have a little trash talked about me. But there is happiness out there. And i’m telling you from experience, you won’t find it from the bottom of a bottle.